I might have bought this

I wanted to post in wave, but currently rob is the only one who checks it.

And since this is exciting I decided to put it here.

I bought this.

http://www.beveragefactory.com/draftbeer/kegerators/HBF05EBSS-2.shtml

James Cameron

Before there was Avatar there was Dark Angel.

Capital_Prototype GF

says:

"If everyone was like you then there would be no happiness in the world."

OMG

Everyone respond immediately, should Capital_Prototype expend capital on this:

http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?nm_mc=AFC-SlickDeals&cm_mmc=AFC-SlickDeals-_-NA-_-NA-_-NA&Item=N82E16882120146

Boooooooooo

I am screaming at my computer screen.

Modern Family

Tomorrow is my last final (my only in class one). I am drinking. I am watching ABC's Modern Family. It is amazing. My sentences are very short, but I do wish that you not judge my ability to write in given the current material. I need to get back to studying, but I have two more episodes to watch and another beer to drink. I am going to get crunk on friday if everything works out.

Cellaring

A few days before my journey out west, Ward gave me some New Glarus beers to send me off with. I have drank all of them except one. This guy is a Coffee Stout and has been cellaring for 16 months. I am going to drink this beer tomorrow night to celebrate the end of the semster and my homecoming on friday (I leave my place at 5am so I will be back in the afternoon). I was wondering if capital_prototype has anything to say about cellaring given his enthusiastic nature towards the subject? For instance, what beers seems to cellar well? Not well? Is cellaring worth it?

Tiny Condo

link

It's getting ridonculous over here dogs

PBR

I cellared some PBR and I just got a mouthful of hoppy goodness. I will confirm that this is actually the case. I hope I have found something amazing here.

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret

Don't know if anyone has found a link to the show Jeremy posted with Will Arnett and David Cross yet so here: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=B54FYJ15

Diablo 2 Patch 1.13 enters public testing

For you Sawyer: http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/61575

Bing!

I use Bing. One interesting feature of Bing is that it puts links at the bottom of the page on what is popular. This keeps you in the loop of whatever weird stuff America is interested in. Right now it is a hoax involving a fake Michael Jordan.

Awesome.

Murton for Certain sold to Japanese

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2009/12/rockies-release-matt-murton.html

How? He is better than what we have in left and right fields!

Let us bring him back and Juan Pierre. Actually, Juan Pierre may be coming back.

Holiday Bowl

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl
Wednesday December 30, 2009
San Diego, CA
8:00pm ET

#22 Arizona los gatos vs. #20 Nebraska Cornholers

Probably going to watch this at a watering hole in town. All are invited to attend and help me cheer on my boys.

too bad this is only in britian

All moved in, don't know what to do

All my stuff is moved in, minus a couch. Kate actually helped me out a lot. She stayed until Wednesday morning. Still waiting for internet/cable to come on Tuesday. Fridge is full of good food. Pretty much nothing to do but play video games, watch movies, and eat. I have been driving around a lot trying to find cool places. There is a Giordano's that is about 6 minutes from my apartment so that is awesome. Still have to get a new license and plates. That's about it for now. I should be back to posting regularly on Tuesday, hopefully.

P.S. I posted this at the library down the street and there have been three 12 - 14 year old girls giggling and talking about Twilight the whole time i was writing this. Sawyer, i'll ask them out for you.

"State Dinner Crashers"

If these had been psychopaths who had training in the martial arts, and who were arm in arm with the vice president and Cabinet officials, they could in a matter of seconds have killed someone.

link

GE to sell NBC

Does anyone have anything on what this might mean for some of our favorite programs?

link

Once upon a time...

Remember when we had Xanga pages?

Ideal match.com scenario

Everyday they send you a list of five people you may be interested in and you can click yes, no, or maybe "interested". If you click yes, match.com sends the person an email telling them that the other person is interested.

This is what I want to happen:

Click "yes" on one of the five ladies. She sees email, checks out my profile, sends me an email. I respond and we begin to chat. Eventually I ask her out for coffee and we go. The coffee date goes so well that we go back to my place for another drink. We talk and begin to make out some. Then we move on to some light anal sex. I ask her if she wants to get something to eat. We got get some fried chicken. I tell her that I would like to see her again. She agrees.

This is what actually happens:

You suspect that the girls on match.com actually want to meet men so you aren't shy about emailing them. Most girls list as their whole profile "I like to hang out with friends. I am a student. I want someone who will challenge me" and that is all they say. You email them asking what they study and what things they like to do. They never respond.

Next week, I will tell you about the 19 year old mystic girl I have been talking to on there.

Mrunk

I am crazy drunk off of meat right now. I am starting to yell trib. I haven't had any beer. I have a stomach ache and a head ache and I want to fight something. This is what being mrunk is.

Sammy Sosa sells home to Vin Diesel

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/baseball/mlb/11/26/sosa.lawsuit.ap/index.html

A very interesting article about the Cubs and Joe Mauer

Mauer has Power

What will the future say...

I am still pissed aboot this

with this quote from mlb.com from lincecum

"Both the guys I was going up against had tremendous seasons," Lincecum said, while reiterating an earlier statement that Carpenter was the most deserving winner. "He just had a stellar year with amazing numbers. It says a lot for him to keep pushing and come back out with both guns firing."

The only thing linccecum lead is was strike outs. Carp lead in era, runners allowed on base per inning, and win percent. Wainright dominated in wins and was not far behind in K's and era.

I wanted Wainright to win it, but I really thought Carpenter was going to and I am upset it was neither of them.

I just remembered this, and had to share it

The band is not this queer bate though. They are called Walter and Hayes Band i think.

Back to IL

I got a place in Arlington Heights. Driving home Friday, moving in on Sunday. Can't wait.

holy shit

Bands/Staying Hip

I am trying to put together a list of bands that I would be into if I was in high school that have come out since I graduated high school. I need your help. So far I have this:

1. Shinedown
2. Cage The Elephant
3. Wolfmother
4. Flobots

Jim Hendry needs to be replaced by a Statistician with a Physics degree

http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/john-grabow-gets-paid/

How badly is he hemorrhaging money? We do have quality people, but we have spent too much money on them.

College Gameday

Arizona vs. Oregon

Kickoff at 8pm EST, Saturday November 21

Coverage starts at 8am MST I think.

ABC

Words can not describe this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egcXvqiho4w&fmt=18

Evolution seen in action

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/11/speciation-in-action/?npu=1&mbid=yhp

Deli Themed Karoake

I always thought it would be the funniest thing to karoake this song.

Sugar Ray

I am sure that you guys are all familiar with Sugar Ray's Floored album.

I told David Jones and some other Jewel-Osco workers that I saw Sugar Ray live. They preceeded to make fun of me and sing and dance Backstreet's Bye-Bye.

I wouldn't have cared if all Sugar Ray played was there awesome popular stuff, but it was more representative of their Floored album.

I just heard some Sugar Ray and this prompted this post.

Jon Lajoie(aka Taco)

The Deli

I went to scholtzky's drive through today for lunch. I was embarrassed for the female driving attendant to overhear the music I was listening to, so I turned the volume down when she opened the window to exchange money, goods, and sandwiches.

This was the song.

I turned it back up on my way home.

The League

This show is awesome (The League).

Bueno?

This is as good as I could do by myself. I have a change of outfit ready fro tonight, an I am going to have some of my friends take a few glamour shots of me.

Why BearDownIllinois has Zero Hits

Now I understand the constant ramblings about photoshoots, also, the photo is probably like 75% of what matters on your profile.

Manufacturing boner sessions

So I write tonight to discuss an emerging field of science which is known as bonergineering. It seems that most people start to manufacture their boners during hikes schools and college, but some people try to seek out their first bones later in life; it seems that for these people match.com is a place that can satisfy these desires. I have officially joined match.com.

Let me tell how you can fuck up your match.com situation before you ever start; it seems that women are retarded. I am a simple man and I put forward this in my outlook for new lovers. I am looking for an average looking white/latina (latino is the new white) 21-26 year old woman who has some amazing things to say about herself. I attest that a single line of my profile is better and more revealing than an entire profile written by one of these normal retards. Anywho, I would like to meet a girl who has a college degree or is finishing one and preferably one who likes real comedy and alcohol and sex, but that would be an ideal woman. It is interesting to me that I am looking for a persona that could be satisfied by a number of women, but none of them are biting. You can also do a "reverse" search which will show you all the women who are looking for people who satisfy the criteria that they want in a mate. Here are some numbers; when I search for women based on my criteria of basically any woman who is 21-26 and has no kids I get 9 pages of hits, but when I look for the type of women who are looking for a guy like me, I see nearly double as many women. Where is the breakdown?

It seems that the modern woman is lying to herself. In a brutally honest world, the Saw is even more honest and yet these women don't seem to be. They must be willing to compromise in some way, although I think choosing me to bone them is not a compromise, but rather a huge boon to their self esteem. I wonder what they are looking for? I did a search for the guys on match.com and I saw something immediately that I did not expect; all of the guys are skydivers. The first several dude I saw all had pictures of them skydiving. These guys didn't have anything to offer other than their wildness, but that is what these women want (is it?). I think they want to see a guy who is out of control, but one who they could make into a nice guy. Bullshit.

So I decided that the best way to convince these hobags that I am legit is to manufacture photos of myself. Experiment: go to best buy and buy a point and shoot camera, take photos of social situations that may be premeditated, enhance bonerbility. I hope to post some new flattering pics of myself on match.com to see if I can snag some pooner. We'll see what happens.

Sawyer's Girl

13:00 Minutes

18:47 Minutes

Defending of Honor?

PS Capital_Prototype stole a lifestyle

a.k.a. friday, nachos, tube

Gayest workout device ever

The Office (Rashida Jones vs. Pam)

If the writers of The Office had any maturity or were trying to do anything but please female viewers, Jim Halpert would be with Rashida Jones and not Pam Beasly.

The reason girls think Jim and Pam have the perfect relationship is because Jim is always making sacrifices and doing stuff for Pam, and without reciprocity. Pam basically treated Jim like a floormat. For example, every time Pam gets inappropriately drunk, Jim is taking care of her and taking her home. Every time Pam is in a bad mood, Jim is cheering her up. It is all one sided. Pam never did anything for Jim except be an attractive and fun girl that he worked with and got along with. Also, take the example of when Pam jinxed Jim and wouldn't let him talk all day because the machine was out of Coca-Cola. Who would date that?

Then Jim met Rashida Jones. This chick had her stuff all figured out to begin with. She wasn't a useless secretary who had big dreams of becoming a graphic artist. She was already in sales, unlike Pam who just made it to sales and has no business being there. Then she took over as manager. When they dated Rashida Jones actually took care of Jim, did things for him. For example, when Jim got innapropriately drunk, Rashida Jones took care of him and took him home.

So, to all the women out there, Jim is not cool, he is a useless putz. Jim doesn't deserve Rashida Jones, because what he really wants in a relationship is to wait hand and foot masochistically on a woman who doesn't treat him with respect and is less hot and never acted in Stella or Freaks and Geeks. And while I'm on it, Jim never deserved this promotion. Dwight has worked his hands to the bone sacrificing for the company. He was the leading salesman for the entire company. Jim was too cool for school and to give a hoot about his job. Worse yet, Jim convinced his company to overpay in a related party transaction for a company his fiancee worked for, which is illegal. So no, the guys who work hard, Dwight, Andy, or Stan, deserve the promotion, not the dumb idiot who thinks he is too good to work for the company in the first place. (Also, they just started making Dwight too stupid. For example, he wanted to smoke out Michael with bees or something?)

Jim, you suck, and the only reason you are popular is because girls are stupid.

Thanksgiving Pizza (Genius Strikes)

Basically, what we have here is a stuffed pizza with a thanksgiving dinner theme. Therefore, the stuffing is roast turkey pieces, stuffing. The pizza is topped with gravy.

Experimentation would tell if gravy inside the pizza or cheese inside or on top would be a welcome addition.

Best Show



Spoof of Weird Al's Spoof of Coolio

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my curry
I take a look at my wife and realize she is very blurry
But that’s just life for a slumdog like me
Because I can’t afford things like prescription spectacles
And I’ve been driftin’ and griftin’ so long that
Even Ganesha thinks that mind is gone
But I ain’t never conned a man that don’t deserve it
Punk American tourists, you know its unheard of

Been spendin’ most our lives livin’ in a slumdog paradise
No shelter most our live, livin’ in a slumdog paradise

Photoshoot

I am trying to think of ways that I can manufacture photos for my match.com profile without having them look manufactured.


Here is the best example of what I want to accomplish

I will see if I can come up with something cool.

***UPDATE
I have officially joined match.com as kind of a birthday present to myself. I also "winked" at two girls on there. The "wink" is kind of like facebook's "poke", but only this time you are paying to do it and the girl is actually looking for cock.

Subway Shenanigans

I go to Subway for lunch every MWF and I see a lot of stuff that is just no bueno. Let me give you a recent example.

On Friday of last week, I am in Subway for getting my tuna sangwich and a woman comes in wearing a New York Yankees t-shirt so I am a little pissed off at this. This woman walks up to the counter and in a thick New York accent asks "do you have chicken parmigiana?". The sandwich artist replies "no" and offers suggests instead the chicken pizziola and he tells her that is has pepperoni on it. The woman is upset and doesn't know what to do. She finally says "ok, I'll have the chicken pizziola with no pepperoni and extra parmesan". The artist asks her what size sandwich she wants and she looks at him with a blank stare and finally says "the small".

How is someone this unfamiliar with Subway?

GEICO

GEICO is the worst company of all time. Consider all options before doing business with them.

Grab 39

With the recent announcement that Steven Tyler is leaving Aerosmith and Sublime "resurfacing" and being ordered to change their name, this got me thinking about band names.

Should a band be able to keep it's name even if the song writer/lead singer/whoever makes the "largest contribution" quits? It's a weird subject and i think it almost needs to be taken on a band to band situation.

In the case of Guns N' Roses, are they really Guns N' Roses anymore? Or are they something different? Just because Axel is still the lead singer doesn't necessarily mean that they are "Guns N' Roses." Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and Steven Adler had just as much to do with Guns N' Roses' "sound" as Axel did.

For Aerosmith, only Steven Tyler is leaving. And while he is a main force of Aerosmith, Joe Perry, Joey Kramer, Tom Hamilton, and Brad Whitford are important to have too. So should they be able to keep the name?

And for that matter, who cares? It's just a band name.

I disagree. When i hear a band name, i associate all kinds of things with it. Anything from the way they sound, the way i feel when i listen to the band, and what i come to expect from the band. So when i hear that Journey is releasing a new album, i think "Yeah, but Steve Perry isn't the lead singer anymore" and i'm not as excited.

Sawyer and i have even changed a bands name. With basically 1/2 of the original Catch 22 lineup leaving after their first release (including song writer Tomas Kalnoky), we didn't feel it was right to call them Catch 22 anymore. They are now Grab 39 to us and forever will be.

Let me know what you guys think. (I pointed out the difference between the two Perrys for Sawsheezles sake)

NLS

Best .gif ever.

NOT LIFE SAFE!

Tucson teaser

I finally got some batteries for my camera because I am arranging a match.com photoshoot and I thought it might be a good idea to take some pictures of Tucson in the coming weeks. I will offer a teaser of an Easterly view of 9th St. just west of Cherry Ave. here in Tucson.



This is what a somewhat poor neighborhood near the football stadium looks like.

Television (Der Fern)

The current state of tv is like whatever dude. My current drink count is a surprisingly short tres beers. I think the tv viewership demographics are very interesting. CBS's new critical darling "Accidentally on Purpose" has been receiving a robust 8+ million viewers and there are talks of it being axed. Parks and Rec recieves only 5 millions viewers and there are talks of it being axed. Hmm. In unrelated news, 30 Rock is overrated. It is not the funniest show on tv: It isn't even the best show on NBC on thursday nights. Fuck, "Community" is an order of magnitude better than 30 Rockefeller Plaza and it doesn't get the notoriety it deserves. I hereby declare "Parks and Recreation" as the outright winner of best show on tv contest. Congratulations to all of those who are privileged enough to watch it. I recommend watching Comedy Central's "Secret Girlfriend" because it is pioneering a new way to present a television series. It is groundbreaking to say the least. It is also horribly heinous and offensive. It gives this dawg boners because of the hot babes on the show. It is my birthday next friday and I will be going to a gentleman's bar to celebrate. There has been talk of going to an all nude place. This is weird to me given that I base all of my comparison to the quality of strip clubs based solely on Kappa Kabana's business model. I think what I appreciate most is how the strippers are kind of left to there own devices to "fund" themselves. This business is somewhat similar to how the professors at the Optics College here operate. Anywho, the strippers at Kappa who need to earn those extra dollars by getting completely naked can and will because it is their freedom to choose. I wish all strip clubs were this way. Here in Tucson, strippers cannot get fully naked if the place has a liquor license. What gives? No one here appreciates a free market economy basis for the strippers. They are people too with families to feed. Ok, I need to drink more beer. Also, about 5 weeks from now I will be back. I hope to be laid soon. Match.com has a 25% off sale going on and I might get in on this. I will let you know when my profile is up for public view; my handle is "beardownIllinois". Gosdspeed.

PODO

Best part of coming home from working 7 - 3 and having nothing important to do?

You don't have to wear pants for the rest of the day.

EDIT: i also just remembered i have a case of Yuengling Lager in my trunk and it's been literally chilling all day . It's gonna be a good night.

Motorloa Droid

I just got this and it is the coolest fucking thing in the world.

It reminds me of movies when in the future you wake up and there is a computer on your wall. Only this is in your pocket and it gives turn by turn directions while driving.

Seriously awesome phone.

Fat Sammiches

Fat Sammich is so goo...

After three years I am finally in a position to say that I have tasted the tasty treats presented by Fat Sammich. Fat Sammich puts many toppings in an 8" amoroso roll.

I want to make my own fat sammich at home, because I live 40 minutes from fat sammich. I want to go to Wal-Mart and purchase, chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, buffalo chicken stripes, philly cheesesteak meat, onion rings, chicken cheesesteak, rolls and french fries. Stick them in a roll load it up with buffalo sauce, ketchup and mayonnaise and enjoy it.

I like fat sandwich.

quick joke

So my girlfriend broke up with me and I got my friend with herpes to sleep with her as payback.

My plan backfired cause we're back together now.

Postal Service

By now you have probably heard the catchy tune Fireflies by Owl City.

When I first heard this on the popular music radio station I asked Jess what she thought The Postal Service fans were going to do now that The Post Service was mainstream.

Now I just listened to Owl City close up and am somewhat offended by the low quality ripoff of The Postal Service.

Edit: And Owl City uses auto-tune.

Edit: I Hate Owl City (I listened to three more songs).

Butt of Joke

This dude took a lot of heat over the years, but I don't care, this song is dope. It is hipper and hoppier than popular hip-hops today (auto-tune).

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

Undercover Brother the Sequel?

Solid

WTF Mate

so i was in borders today just wasting time until Dragon Age: Origins was delivered to GameStop and saw this


















don't know exactly how i feel about it. having read the "trilogy" way too many times to count, i don't really get how or why there is another one. oh well, i'll end up buying it this weekend with a borders coup.

if you haven't read The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, you should. at least the first three.

also, i never got my copy of Dragon Age: Origins because the UPS truck was still in Philly.

Graph Jam

You internetters probably already know about this website, but I have just found a new website to procrastinate on. And I thought I would be more productive without tubes...

Now what

So you have just friend requested a girl on facebook. You met her this summer and she is a friend of a friend. Suppose you, her, and two friends (one of whom is the aforementioned "friend") hang out on one glorious summer eve in July. You go for pizza, attend an awesome Rx Bandits show at Club Congress in Tucson and then go to a strip club. You later join in to pay to see her boobs. You decide that she is cool. She is also a nurse and is independent. She has just accepted your friend request, what do you do now? You know she likes the tv shows you like so you think it is a good idea to say something provocative and timely about one of them in a status update. Let's choose fox's "Fringe". You could say something like "Fringe returns on thursday. If only you could get a degree in fringe science" hoping that she, being really into facebook, will respond and then you can strike up a conversation. This is the art of starting a conversation with someone without talking to them. This is how I try to attract girls.

First date

So I am hoping to go on a first date sometime in the fiscal year 2010 and I think it might be a good idea to share some of my thoughts on the dos and don'ts of a first date.

Food selection
1. Don't choose a buffet style restaurant. In this case, it would be all-you-can-eat sushi, but no woman wants to see a potential bang stuff his gullet with raw fish (or do they?). Stay away Sawyer no matter how badly you want sushi.

2. Don't eat mexican. You will probably get sauce all over your hands and you will want to lick your fingers clean. Stay away from this. Also, it will induce farting which is also unattractive. Sawyer: you live 60 miles north of mexico and you can't eat mexican food, only alternative: go to olive garden or famous daves.

Dress choice
1. Wear something hip. I would need to go shopping specifically for this date.

2. Make sure all of your assets are enhanced and all of your faults are muted. Perhaps a snuggie would be the best wardrobe choice?

Car care.
1. Waxed and ready to go. Check. Rims cleaned and shiny. Check.

2. Music selection. Rap music? No. Probably going to strike out here.

Discussions
1. Should excel here if she seems to be into humor.

2. Don't talk about rim, lesbians, or in general, anal excitements.

Commenting on her
1. Definitely say something positive about her looks.

2. Voice interest in her discussion topics by saying things like "wow, I never thought about (repeat what she said) like that before" or "wow, how very inciteful".



Do I have a shot? Am I datable with this mindset?

Kate Walsh

Is 39 years old.

New Chapter

Step 1: Listen to random indie-techno, vocal-synthesized pop song by Imogen Heap entitled "Hide and Seek." Pay particular attention to minutes 2:45 and on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc

Step 2: Watch the very climax to the Season 2 finale of the teen melodrama "The O.C."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3umNk9nVxbQ

Look man, I was stoned. Was that London pop digital artist Imogen Heap I just heard? Yes, and it rocked your world.

Step 3: Watch the SNL parody.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/18964

Step 4: Realize that Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" is the ONLY song that should be played when someone is dramatically murdered on film by searching "Dear Sister" on You Tube and watching the many parodies. I recommend Star Wars, Fargo... etc.

Step 5: The Game sampled Imogen Heap. Is it cool now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqMPDEGEAeA&feature=related

Also, according to some website, Imogen Heap did not use auto-tune.

Classic

Capital_Prototype knows best

After Capital_Prototype wrote his treatise on dieting and health, I reevaluated my eating habits. I eat at Subway every monday, wednesday, and friday and I always get a footlong tuna. I have since gone to a six inch sub and I supplement the rest with an apple. I have also stopped drinking as much chocolate milk, I was at around 8-10 glasses a week, now it is more like 3 glasses a week. I was drinking beer on friday, saturday, and sunday nights and I am scaling back to potentially just friday nights. I think these things over time when coupled with my current workout schedule of three times a week will ultimately lead me down a path of eventual cunt hounding.

Previous weigh in: 242

Current weigh in: 239

Dress Pants

Don't discover that you have no khaki pants the night before you have a presentation. Luckily, I have money, a car, and I don't need to be sexy until 3:30pm so I can go get some clothes on my lunch break.

Nonpoint

Bullet with a Name

Hmm

Current drink count: 4 beers and 2 rum based cocktails (aka sober)

So I think I should share my thoughts on things at the moment. I have been pumping hard lately and am up to a personal best set of 12-reps at 225 lbs. For comparison, a wide receiver in the combine may hit 20 reps. So I am closing in on those fucks. I am thinking about seeing if I have a year of eligibility left in the NCAA. I don';t know if you know this, but the UA football team is awesome except for this somoan fuck who plays defense.

I just ate some nachos that were awesome.

I was in my boxers and drinking rum cocktails when I heard a knocking on my door. I wasn't sure if someone was there. I put on some clothes and opened the door and some guy was standing there. He said, in essence, "I was walking by and I heard this crazy laugh and I thought I should check it out." In summary, I am awesome and my winning best laugh in our senior year book was obviously justified.

"Accidentally on purpose" is my new guilty pleasure show on CBS.

I want to hit up JT when I come back to see about getting side hippie-pussy.

I bought the new Rammstein cd tonight. So far so good.

How much masturbation is too much? I keep trying to go to a once a week schedule, but I think God blessed (or perhaps cursed) me to having a libido that never quits. Not that I want it to quit, but I would like to use it to its best ability.

Allison Brie from NBC's "Community" is my new secret crush.

Have you guys rimmed your gfs yet?

It is still 80 degrees everyday here.

What else is new?

Massive Hondage

Set of facts:

1. America has been a consumer driven economy.
2. Christmas is the the largest consumer event of the year.

So, christmas is the source of American companies revenues.

3. The current recession has hit consumers harder than we have seen in our recent past.

This is going to create massive competition among retailers vying for fewer sales dollars.

So, save up or get a part time job, strap in, and get ready for some mega deals! Soon will be the time for upgrading all your electronic needs.

my 200 dollar gas card

Remember when I got my new tv(Hot Nudes).

Me too. But I forgot it came with a 200 dollar gas card from LG.

I just got that. I can't wait to spend it all on box wine at a gas station so i can drink it out of a can(which I did last night).

Diet Tips

I have seen some improvements to my waistline thanks to my diet. I am now going to share some tips.

1) Dairy is fattening.

There is no quicker way to add extra and often needless amounts of calories than to cover/smother something in cheese or cheese-like substances, spreads, and sauces.

Cream, no mas creme de la caffem (No more cream for my coffee). Yes, dissapointing.

1) a) Adding sugar to dairy is bad. That means you ice cream and ice cream novelties.

2) Grocery shop often.

In order to stay on your diet you need lots of ripe produce, but produce ripens quickly. I suggest making a trip to the nearest Ball Mart to load up keep a constant stock of ripe or ripening bananas and apples at the ready.

3) Bananas and Apples and similar produces are the perfect snack. An apple or a banana has just enough calories to give you a boost, but not to many to weigh you down.

I have a tendency to look at any item I open as one serving size, from a snickers bar to a family size bag of fried potato chips. These fruits actually are one serving size, so it is okay to finish them in one sitting.

4) Do not stock up on unhealthy food alternatives (see No. #2). If you are hungry and the only thing in your house is apples and bananas, you will eat them. As long as they taste decent (they do) and they are convenient.

However, if you

A) Also keep fried potato chips in your house, you will inevitable pass up the healthy produce.
B) Do not have fresh produce on hand, you will be very tempted to pick up a meal at the local greasy fast food joint.

5) Count your calories. Counting your calories has multiple benefits, but it is best for managing your caloric intake and matching that to your desired input. By limiting your calories to at or under what the amount you consume in the day, you will be able to burn the stored up calories in your body (I assume).

Other benefits should be found at a consumer diet advocacy website of some sort.

6) On your diet you will probably visit Subway, as one of the better health choice options for fast food/ take out.

When you do, do not add oil and viniger. The oil adds like 90 calories to a footlong, which is around the same as cheese, and adds only marginal benefits.

7) If you stray from your diet on a day or two, don't freak out and drown your sorrows in boxes of fried potato chips. Take it from the tippy the following day.

8) When you make an exception to your diet make sure it completely erases the weeks and months of diligent dietary efforts and gains you have made thus far. Destroy those efforts in one foul sweep. Go to Fat Sammich on Halloween weekend.

I can't wait.

Concept: Toaster Burgers

Seasonally Relevant Rice Nerd Joke

Wide Receiver: "I am going to score a touchdown on this play."
Cornerback: "No chance, I'll be on you like white on rice."
Wide Receiver: "Well, the color of the rice isn't an intrinsic quality of the rice itself, rather the color is how you perceive or interact with the rice. This perception is how you interact with the rice, rather than explaining how the rice exists in reality"

MLB more like NFL

I was thinking about how well the NFL was setup and I was wondering if we could apply some of the things that they are doing right to the MLB. Here are some thoughts:

1. Balance each league. 16 teams in each league. Two new teams would need to be introduced.

2. Move to four divisions with North/South/East/West. Let's figure out who goes where.

NL
=====================

North
===========
Chicago
Milwaukee
Cincinnati
xxxxxxxx

South
===========
St. Louis
Houston
Atlanta
Florida

East
===========
Pittsburgh
New York
Washington
Philadelphia

West
==========
Colorado
San Diego
Arizona
San Francisco


AL
===================

North
===========
Detroit
Cleveland
Minnesota
Chicago

South
===========
Tampa Bay
Kansas City
Texas
Dodgers

East
===========
New York
Boston
Toronto
Baltimore

West
===========
Angels
Oakland
Seattle
xxxxxxx


This leaves us with two spots open. Also note, these divisions aren't as territorial as I would like, but the NFL ones aren't super strict either. I would recommend that a team be created in Las Vegas for the American League because purity and integrity are absent from both and it is a great locale. The other team for the NL is a bit of a question mark. Perhaps Indianapolis? Thoughts here are welcome.

3. Now that the teams are decided, move the playoff system to six teams (two wild card) and seed each team by regular season record with the highest seed getting a bye. The first round should be a best of three series.

4. Take away home field advantage from the All-Star game and go back to the every other year switch that it used to be.

5. Other fixes would be to revamp the schedules to put even more focus on divisional importance and decrease the number of interleague games or make the interleague more like the NFL.

Does this work?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:


You got Male!

Banana Binge

Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen's Obama on SNL is not up to snuff.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/99945/saturday-night-live-obama-address

The skits are still funny, but he is not good at impressions or mocking Obama's cadence, speech pattern, mannerisms, etc.

It is too bad, I mean Darrel Hammond did such a good job with Bill Clinton that they just bring him back all the time, even though he has been out of office for like a decade.

I think they should retain Duane Johnson for the permanent role.

The Rock Obama

My first sandwich

No, the title is not a typo. I thought that I had had a sandwich before, but I was mistaken. It took the glorious creator of Fat Sandwich Co., who said no to healthy, to open my eyes.
What you are looking at is the Fat Frat. It packs philly cheese steak, gyro, chicken tenders, mozzerella sticks, and tzatziki sauce. All of the sandwiches there come with fries. Instead of giving you the fries like the other restaurants, the smash them onto the top of the sandwich.

truly heavenly

female drivers

It is shovanistic and ignorant to claim that all women are bad at driving.

But to claim that all bad drivers are women is just the truth.

Steak and Shake

Colin sent me a link to an article about off menu items (linked below). It took me back to my Steak and Baking days, when old folks would demand crazy items like malted coca cola milkshakes or something. Steinberg, do you remember some of those requests? I think a list of crazy stuff old people order off menu and insist are real things should be CNN's article for next week.

This was my reply to the link:

Jess always gets mad at me when I make her order me Cheesy Gordita Crunches in the drive through, she is going to be livid when I start demanding green chili sauce too.

Also, Steak and Shakes America(n) Melt is another off menu item favorite.

They also need to make an off menu article for items that people think exist, but don't, and order anyway. For example, old dudes at Steak n Shake used to demand all kinds of stuff, like a malted coca-cola milkshake. (I wonder where I am headed... )


http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/09/28/mf.10.secret.menu.items/index.html

Fantasy Outcome Predictors

If you look at the standings for our league, you will see that the major categories like Hits, Runs, RBIs, ERA, etc. were not the best predictors of success in the league. What is interesting is that fringe categories Ks, SBs, and Ws were all great predictors of the top five finishers. Of course, you can win ball games without Ks and a lot of the time a SB doesn't produce any more runs and we all know that Ws are nice, but aren't the best way to measure a pitcher's productivity. We will have to have fireside chats to discuss what we can do to fix this situation for possible future fantasies.

Mechabonica Zoic Andriods

I just reviewed my team. I did great in batting, I didn't finish worse than 3rd overall in any batting categories. My fielding and stolen bases were bad, but those categories are largely fringe categories in fantasy baseball, having little impact overall (and I would argue that stolen bases have very little impact in the MLB).

My problem was starting pitching, where I finished dead last or second to last in every category. This can be traced directly to two moves:

1. Drafting Daisuke Matsuzaka in the fourth round. When Daisuke wasn't failing on the field, he was recovering from fake injuries off the field. He finished the season with 3 wins and 1 QS total.

2. Drafting Mike Mussina in the 9th round. Obviously this was a hall of fame screw-up. I honestly believe that I would have drafted Ted Lily if I knew he was retired. Ted Lily finished the season with a 12-8 record, 140+ Ks, 3.01 ERA, and a WHIP of 1.06. Theodore Lilly was drafted in the 12th round.

I think my best move in the draft was picking up Joe Mauer, who I got in the 5th round, and finished 2nd overall according to player rater. If you recall Mauer was injured at the start of the season.

The biggest problem that I couldn't control was losing my #1 pick Manny Ramirez because the MLB decided to care about steroids out of left field.

Other POI: I gave one of you Ben Zobrist and the other Justin Upton, who both finished the season respectably. I am not upset with these moves because (1) our fantasy league sucked so hard that I didn't care, (2) our fantasy league sucked so hard that noone would make any deals, and (3) I desperately needed pitching stats.

Chevy Chase

quote from community

"The wetnap industry is nothing like the product.

Dry, Hard, and Large"

Rhyming with Rim

I want to rhyme Rim with Jism for obvious reasons, but I was concernicus if changing Rim to "Rism" is too outlandish.

Thoughts?

Cougar Town

Cougar Town

Cougar Town

Cougar Town

Buy Those Bullets Now!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090923/ap_on_re_us/us_ammo_shortage

Interesting read.

Cable Loop

Okay, when Rashida Jones stars opposite Amy Poehler in a new situational comedy/mockumentary, someone needs to inform Capital_Prototype. Plus bonus, Aziz and a guy you looks strikingly like Zach Galifianakis.

Home Brew Update pt.2

I bottled the Belgian Dubbel that I brewed like a month ago.

On another note. I am really debating on picking up some more equipment. I was thinking a glass carboy for primary fermentation so I can better see what is going on. I could then also use my bucket for a secondary fermenter.

Kegorator. Bottling beer is a pain in the ass. Kegorator is expensive, and normal ones need to be converted(not that expensive, but adds to the cost) for use with Ball Lock Keg from your normal Sanke Keg.

TV Time?

With several new quality shows coming out last year and a few more this year, I am wondering if this is a new golden age of television or if I am just getting more mainstream?

Shows I am Currently Watching

How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Fringe (Fox)
Glee (Fox)

Parks and Rec (NBC)
Community (NBC)
the Office (NBC)
30 Rock (NBC)

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Fx)

Any recommendations for shows or psychotherapy?

Marty Brennaman and Co.

Reds announcer doing a little harmless albeit hilarious ball busting.

Computer Nerds:

When I am searching for a news article I do not necessarily want the most recent news article on the subject. Instead, I would much rather prefer the most relevant and the highest quality news article.

Google, please spend whatever it takes to offer this value added service.

Rammstein does it again

Rammstein's new music video. Maximum Yucks!!!

http://www.visit-x.net/rammstein/

While were on the subject

Beastie Boys, Hip Hoppin' before you were born, seen here with The Roots. Check out Mike D's style, hippin' and hoppin' in a cardigan sweater.

Juan Nelson

For Jeremy, showing the love for the bass players.

Jim Breuer as a Spokesman...

Jackpot

Ben Harper is a good musician

Ben Harper plays Voodoo Child live.

I do not believe that he is on anyone's list as the greatest guitarists of all time, but Rolling Stone named Kurt Cobaine number 12 of all time. They may as well just stopped printing articles about music after that.

Power Cords

Patton Oswalt + Kevin Corrigan = New Movie

Check this out

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/big_fan/

Interesting Article on the Cubs and Interleague Play

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/1764577,gordo-cubs-11.article

Desert Update

It has been a while.

Physical Update: I have been pumping harder than ever before although I consider myself a ways away from the combine. I can do 10 reps at 225 on the bench, but that is nowhere near 30-40 reps. Still trying to lose the poundage, but it is distributing itself a little better.

Boner update: I am thinking about joining match.com to enhance my boner possibilities. I went to the match.com website and searched for people in Bloomington and I found several people that I knew. Funny.

Educational update: School is going ok.

Fantasy update: We are in the playoffs now in the league. I feel like I have failed as Commissioner this year. It just seemed like only a few of us wanted to play.

Baseball update: Are the Cards going to win the world serial? I hope not.

Movie update: Mike Judge's new film "Extract" is recommended by me. Steinberg is cloned in the film and played by Ben Affleck.

Gerald "T-Bones" Tibbons is Misunderstood

People somehow neither understand nor appreciate David Koechner's brilliant and complex character Gerald "T-Bones" Tibbons.

T-Bones is a brilliant mind, disguised/trapped in a hobo's body/lifestyle.

He does loads of drugs, but then he makes literary references as though he were an expert in literature and studied Noam Chomsky. He does so matter-of-factly, not to rub it in anyone's face, he is just smart. Despite this, he absolutely fails in society.

Take the following quote from the Naked Trucker and T-Bones CD Live At the Troubadour

"Really, Ho Chi Minh? Nobody came out tonight to discuss Dialectical Materialism. Oh wait, everybody pull out your Marx-Engels reader. Oh, here's my copy of Das Kapital. There's light reading...

Oh, we're in the presence of Noam Chomsky everybody! I think there should be a copy of Manufacturing Consent on all your tables. Lets have a look and find out how all your major media outlets are owned by multi-national corporations. Where do you get your news? Think about it."

So, if you don't like the humor, fine, but you can't dislike it based on your love or hatred of redneck comedy such as the Blue Collar Comedians. If you do, then you just don't get it.

Supernerds and Google

IMO Google's programs are sloppy, so why do supernerds like google?=

Public Service Announcement

This is all I eat anymore and they are like $5 at Wally-Mart.

So Goo

Random Transaction Stories from B/N

Fiesta Ranchera:

I ordered a La Fiesta and received a La Fiesta (Burrito).

Drifters:

At this establishment a DJ kept playing Ursher and other similar musics. I asked the DJ to play this and I was like if you can't or don't want to play it then that is fine. He kept telling me that he was going to play it and he never did. It was retarded.

Shaq + John Mabry + Ryan Ludwick vs. Albert Pujols

So Dumb, so horrible, yet I still watched it in its entirety (I was hooked once I saw Mabry).

What Does It Mean?

What does it mean when your computer screen suddenly turns completely green in color and doesn't work and then you restart your computer and everything it fine?

Nothing?

My laptop is like five years old, should I get a new battery pho' it?

Get Ready To Throw Up

Disney announced that it will purchase Marvel, owner of Spider-Man, X-Men, Fantastic Four, Iron man, and others.

So in case, like me, you were tired of comic book movies, get ready to have them stuffed down your throat like only Disney is capable of.

Disney created a franchise with Cars. In case you pleasantly missed the Cars movie, let me give you a recap. It was a movie about personified Cars, and it was miserable. Still, Disney managed to hype it enough to get kids to not only watch the film, but purchase Cars bedspreads, napkins, tote bags, shower curtains, bath sets, hoodies, Cars live events, car shows, toys, towels, chairs, pillows, water bottles, bags, rugs, sleeping bags, valances, silverware, night lights, toy chests, blankets, musicals, Cars on ice, and much more.

So, get ready to get so much retarded comic book movie action shoved down your throat that you will choke on your own vomit after trying to throw up while Disney wasn't done cramming Marvel comics down it.

PS Emily was Ugly.

Home Brew Update

I started home brewing again, and I must say I really enjoyed it.

This is what Pat, my old roommate Kurt, and I brewed on Sunday

Belgian Dubbel

I also got this kit to make soon.

American Amber

My boss just made this one.

Crazy IPA

It has more malt and hops than the two i got put together, and sounds awesome.

Hip Hop Update

Capital_Prototype has evolved his obsession from Jay-Z to Rakim.

my new tv

http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_05775829000P?sid=I0084400010000100600&aff=Y&origin=prod&CustomerMemberID=skim769X53351

i'm going to pick it up after work today and then will get many boners thinking about it.

beechwood aging

I am having trouble finding a good long brew spoon like the one we had. Do you guys remember how long it was?

I think it was 20'', but those are hard to find. Which means the one we found was really special.

ZUNE HD

http://reviews.cnet.com/8301-12519_7-10309706-49.html

it looks pretty cool.

Camels

I know I just posted, but I'm lonely and upon looking at news on bing, I found this caption under an article.

"Thousands of camels in Australia’s remote Outback could be killed by marksmen in helicopters under a government proposal aimed at cutting down the population of the havoc-wreaking creatures"

note: "havoc-wreaking creatures"

Salsa

I am extremely interested in making salsa. If you could post a recipe you really like or some tips. It would be much appreciated.

I want to start off simple, not because I don't think I can handle it, but more as a proof of concept. I have been looking at some recipes online, and I am happy at the world that awaits me.

TV

So I don't get the cable tv channels anymore, including espn and the local arizona sports network, but I do get WGN and WGN HD now. I am about to watch the Cubs game in HD 60 miles north of the mexican border for free!

The Steinburger

So, I was in Michigan about a week ago visiting my sister when my mother told me my older brother was in the process of tying to get financing to open a restaurant.

It's going to be a burger restaurant. She asked me if I knew what he was planning on naming it and I said, "The Steinburger?"

She was shocked that I knew the answer.

I am pissed and have been too angry to confront the backstabbing brother ever since.

Foreign Exotics

How much does the spare key cost?

Like Daft Punk.

The way I see this as music is probably how old people view computers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1usJKU6KEi0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSvhgmKFctU&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTG74tvFLRA

From Jessi

This is about her pet rabbit who we thought was a boy for 3 years until she when to the vet today.

Jessica Martin: so you can't make fun of zooey's name anymore

Sent at 10:43 AM on Wednesday

me: why

Jessica Martin: because his penis is actually a vagina

Sent at 10:43 AM on Wednesday

Capital_Prototype Beat Up By Girlfriend

My new thing is to ride a bike while walking my dog in order to tire her out and drain her energizer bunny-like amounts of energy. After I biked the dog I put my bike away and got her some water inside, at this time I asked my girlfriend if she would like to walk around the block with us, thinking the dog like humans would benefit from a cool down walk. Well, girlfriend had just finished making a sandwich and seemed busy and since the dog started to lay down on the ground I said forget it and left for the walk.

So then later a quarrel ensued about something or other but then the funny thing happened. Girlfriend said why didn't you think about calling before and asking if I wanted to go on the walk:

Could you imagine! Riding a bike while holding a dog on a leash in one hand and operating a telephone with the other!

Could you imagine!

Ron Santo/HoF 3 Base (Return)

On page 343 in The Politics of Glory Bill James does address Ron Santo:

I will not continue the argument (I believe that Steinberg has caved already anyway), but instead offer the theory presented by James for the lack of 3rd baseman in the Hall of Fame.

This theory is that 3rd baseman are "half-and-half" players. That is, they are half power/slugging hitters and they are half quick/great defensive players.

The argument is that people recognize that short stops need to be smaller and quicker and their defense is more important. Corner outfielders and first baseman should be sluggers, and people recognize that too. But people don't realize that there is something in between those two standards, and that, James argues, is what the third baseman is. Typically, he should have more power than a middle infielder, but should be better defensively than the left fielder or first baseman.

for rob

not sure if you heard about this but you seem to be interested in stuff like this.

http://online.barrons.com/article/SB124908011423898035.html

Game, Set, and Match

Check out the stats for the Hall of Fame shortstops and compare them to Ron Santo's numbers.

Hall of Fame Short Stops

Third Basemen

Center Fielders

Jim Edmonds

What would happen to Steinberg's argument if Jim Edmonds was enshrined in Cooperstown?

This man argues that Edmonds is a deserving Hall of Fame candidate.

(Check the 3 part series near the end.)

Year One

I saw Year One at the $1 theatre. It was worth every penny.

Dear Diary,

Today was a great day. In the cafeteria at work they had a build your own potato skins bar. The toppings included nacho cheese, shredded cheese, taco meat, chicken, chili, bacon, sour cream, and chopped green onions. I dont know why I never though about this, but it was an amazing idea, kind of like the blizzard.

Ron Santo

Steinberg wanted to quash discussions on electing Ron Santo into the Hall of Fame. I am currently reading The Politics of Glory by Bill James, and he makes a strong case without actually directly stating it (at least up to page 180) for Ron Santo to be elected into the Hall of Fame.

Then I went online and found some this direct statement:

http://www.santo4cooperstown.org/?page_id=49

The above quote is found directly quoted here, where Bill James ranks Ron Santo the 6th best third baseman.

So, Steinberg, do you think it may have been a logical fallacy to strictly compare a third baseman's batting statistics to a center fielder's?

As an aside, I think that Ron Santo is on his way into the Hall of Fame.

I also came across this interesting tidbit from Bill James:

Q: Why can’t the Chicago Cubs get into the World Series? Is it the small park? Low salaries? The curse of the billy goat? Does sabermetrics provide any insights?

A: Talking about the origins of it — the Cubs fell into a trench in history in the late 1930’s, when almost all baseball teams built farm systems, but the Cubs for several years refused to do so. This put them behind the curve, crippled them for the 1950’s, and really the organization did not fully overcome that until about 1980.

Since 1980 they have had several teams that could have wandered into a World Series, with better luck. They haven’t had any one overpowering team — like the 1984 Tigers, or the 1992 Blue Jays, or the 1998 Yankees — that was so good that it demanded a seat at the Last Banquet of Fall. And, unless you have a team that good, you’re at the mercy of the fates.

Trib + Rim = Trim

I found someone looking for Trim!!!!

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/cas/1295768766.html

This bitch is a freak.

Ninja Assasin

http://www.mtv.com/videos/movie-trailers/412608/ninja-assassin.jhtml#movieId=1616764


Coolio.

Torrenting

Lets say that someone hypothetically downloaded a torrent film and it was a compressed torrent file thing. Hypothetically speaking, how would one go about hypothetically viewing this file, hypothetically, of course.

boner

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBJcOy6iuUc&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcontent.usatoday.com%2Fcommunities%2Fgamehunters%2Fpost%2F2009%2F07%2F68495549%2F1&feature=player_embedded

This is how bad traffic was today

This is part of my drive home. It is only 6.5 miles and usually takes about 20 minutes.

Erin Andrews Filmed Nude!

http://www.kansascity.com/stargazing/story/1335008.html

I have seen the videos. What a naturally beautiful woman.

This is one of the reasons i like baseball

http://stlouis.cardinals.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20090717&content_id=5909034&vkey=news_stl&fext=.jsp&c_id=stl

Go To Beer

What is everyone's current go to beer? I have found some suppliers of PBR priced right and it is my go to beer.

Guess Who?

These are the lyrics to a newish song. Try to guess without looking it up, then look it up if you have too.

One sip ain't gunna do shit
on the 2nd sip i begin to admit
that the 3rd one down is what makes me feel alright
and number 4 i slam down to the floor
by 5 im ready to fight all night
an then 6, 7, 8 to make me break your face sometimes

Interesting Dick Hardon Analysis

This was posted by a Cubs fan in a forum discussing the Scott Hairston trade to the A's.


“Maybe the case with Mark Mulder, and letting Barry Zito walk in free agency... but he traded Tim Hudson who went on to continue being productive, and also traded Haren after 2007, and he's arguably the best pitcher in the NL this season.”

The Haren trade was an offer you cant refuse. I do not fault him for pulling that triggerall.

And as a Cubs fan, I can tell you he was right on Harden! Sure, he held up and produced to finish the end of the 08 season, but how much of that was the .259 BAbip? There is something big time wrong with Harden though, and I am sure he today knew was coming. We traded for damaged goods, and we are seeing the results of that damage now.

Harden averaged about 93.7 MPH on his fastball from 03-07. In 2008 it was 92.0, and 2009 has seen 91.8. He lost a MPH off his Change from 07 to 08, and lost another MPH from 08 to 09. But that is not even the real concern. He has gone from a guy throwing 4 to 5 pitches (FB, Split, Slider, Change and sometimes Curve), to a guy throwing 2! This is the pitch percentage regression

06 - 63.3% FB - 5.7% Change - 21.7% Split - 9.3% Slider
07 - 62.4% FB – 16.0% Change – 19.0% Split - 2.6% Slider
08 - 64.0% FB - 28.8% Change - 4.2% Split - 2.9% Slider
09 - 62.8% FB - 37.2% Change

From 5.7% to 28.8% on the change in a 3 year span while abandoning the Split Finger and Slider? Pitchers loosing speed on their fastball should not be relying on just a single secondary pitch, but that is just what he was doing.

Beane knew. The other teams probably did a better job of scouting and crunching numbers on him, leading them to stay away. I am not sure scouting or numbers are in the Hendry vocabulary though. Just glad he didn’t overpay!


I am one of those thinking Gallagher might not be what we have seen in the past. I didnt trust arms leaving the Oakland stable prior to Harden, but I thought maybe he had bucked the trend. He hadn’t, making it harder to think Gallagher will. Besides, I kind of think he gets credit as a better prospect then he actually was to begin with – for all the talk, he never really produced, anywhere, in his entire career.

Last night was Legen - wait for it - dary

4:00pm = Pregame drinking with good old PBR and some friends
5:00pm = Go get pizza and keep drinking
7:00pm = Go see the RX Bandits in wonderful downtown Tucson and keep drinking
9:00pm = Strip Club
2:00am = go home entirely sober and satisfied

The details are the best part, but I will have to tell you guys another time so as to protect all parties involved.

Cards/Cubs

I will be attending the Cards/Cubs split double header today.

Be Jealous.

Kung Pow

I added kung pow to my netflix and theses are the recomendations I got. Notice BatThumb, The GodThumb, FrankenThumb, and The Blair Thumb.

It wasn't all bad, Pootie Tang and freddy got fingered are on there.

Robot Dream

I had this dream the other night, and while it wasn't actually about robots, it had one in it.

Jessi and I were about to get intimate when our pet robot that we had gotten for christmas asked jessi which Jeremy I was. I ask Robo(not named in the dream, but that is what I would name him) what he was talking about to which he responded that jessi had slept with 8 different guys since december. One of the others was named Jeremy, and one was Mr. Prototype(don't ask me why). I then proceded to slap jessi around while conciously thinking about not to 'chris brown' beat her.

the end

Steve Stone

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Reaper

If you liked Bret Harrison in Grounded for Life, and if you like Big Wolf On Campus, you should Netflix yourself a copy of the television series Reaper.

I've never seen so many brewers fans in my life

First, I saw the Roots at summerfest, which was fucking awesome. Then I went the milwaulkee county zoo, which was also awesome. I must say that the brews' really get their tshirts off the shelf, and that everyone up there owns one.

Alfonso Storyano and the Cubs

His OBP is .289. Wow does this suck.

We need to get rid of Storyano, Bradley, Zambrano.

We need to sign a powerful 2B in the offseason. We should sign better free agents - why not Bobby Abreu or Adam Dunn instead of Bradley?

Dick Harden needs to calm down.

Teddy Ballgame is still the shit.

Transmorphers 2

Many of my arguments are also well represented in this yahoo.com article.


http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/smg-transformers-10-questions.html

Transmorphers 2 tells the story of Shia Labeouf going to college and having to deal again with huge robots who want to kill him but fail to. Megan Fox is his hot girlfriend. Nobody knows that robots exist even though in the first movie the secretary of defense told the whole country of the invasion. Shia's car Bumblebee forgot how to talk between films even though his voicebox was fixed in the first film. Shia has an indian friend who is a tech guy who wants to bone a robot girl (they do not know it at the time). Said robot girl wants to bone Shia to death to get the symbols from his brain. Optimus Prime is killed in a battle. Shia and crew go to egypt to resurrect Optimus and they are attacked by robots who have testicles. Shia saves Optimus and some old robot with a cane gives optimus some new parts and he kicks butt real fast. Megatron runs away like a girl. Shia probably will bone Megan Fox in the butt after all of this is done. Oh yeah, a government agent wants the robots to go home all during the movie - he is last seen skydiving from a military plane. Also, a small robot fucks on Megan Fox.

Grade (if you only count action) A

Grade (if you care that the plot is completely fucked) F

Dan in Real Life

Do you remember this 2007 Steve Carrel romp? Let me break it down. Widower with three kids who is lonely and wants a woman meets one in a bookstore, but she is somehow already dating the dude's brother. Awkwardness ensues and the viewer becomes detached from the movie because they think to themselves "why is he in love with some weird looking euro chick who looks like she is older than he?". Things get more complicated when he goes on a date with some younger hot chick who is a successful plastic surgeon and just happens to be really into him and is also hot if I did not mention that already. At this point the movie should be over because man has hot rich babe who is all over him, but it is not because it is an art movie. The movie ends with typical guy running after intriguing yet weird looking euro girl and they get married queerness.

Grade D

Movie Reviews Coming Soon?

I would like to post my thoughts regarding some recent summer blockbusters I have seen. My posts would be full of spoilers so I won't make the posts unless I have your blessings.

I'm pretty sure this means there is a god

http://newsticker.welt.de/?module=smarthouse&id=910038

sum it up, Kid Rock is making a beer company named AMERICAN BADASS BEER COMPANY

Hamburger Rap

M-C-D, M-C-D
I like my cow on a bun (with cheese!)
(repeat)

I like to eat at the hamburger stand
but I don't like to eat my hamburgers bland
that why I go to my cousin Stan
he's known in the biz as the hamburger man
he imports his beef from pakistan
thats why it comes inside of a can
I tell him I'll take two in a frying pan

M-C-D, M-C-D
I like my cow on a bun (with cheese!)
(repeat)

Menthol

I have a conditioner with menthol and I never want to condition my hair without menthol again. So, when I saw Gillete's shaving cream with menthol I bought it.

I want more men's grooming products that include menthol.

bing

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1915736

Jeremy's Other Dream

This is my cousin living Jeremy's other dream.

Albert Pujols

used steroids.

My dream come true

Last night I went 2-3 with a 2 run double and a run scored. That brings me to 7/13 on the season(.538) and my slugging to .615.

I also pitched because our normal pitcher was busy. 7 innings pitched, 3 runs(1 earned). 3 walks and like 5 hits. we won 12-3, bringing us to 3-2 on the season.

I said I was gonna try to get a walk, but I came up with the bases loaded in the first and went up swinging for the fences. My next atbat I got to a 2-1 count(start at 1-1), but the pitch was too pretty and I popped up to center. My third atbat I swung at the first pitch because there was a runner in scoring position with 2 outs and I legged out an infield single.

I will get a walk before the season is over.

ps. quality start.

Total Wine

I know they don't have them back home, but I just went to a Total Wine store and I was so overjoyed at their prices.

$13.99 for a dirty 30 of PBR, Everywhere else it is $8.50 a 12 pack

$11.99 for a 12 pack of Sierra Nevada, $22.5ish for a Case

$4.99 for six packs of Mojo IPA and Hazed and Infused from Boulder Beer!

$7.99 4 pack of Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA

$11.5 for a 12 pack of Sammy Adams


The place I had been going to is a cool little place with the neatest selection I have seen, but their prices are bad. They only sell by the bottle. 1 bottle of sammy adams is $1.60. Thats $9.60 a six pack and $19.20 a twelve pack.


http://www.totalwine.com/

My exercising

S-Bomb's revelation of how much of a strong pimp he is got me thinking about my exercising lately. So I checked my ipod to see how much I've run since december.

7 runs.

5.4 miles.

best mile 11:40.

So I ran last night.

8 runs.

6.45 miles.

best mile 10:50.

I tried really hard to beat my best mile time, which I did. But I used to be able to run two miles in 13 minutes, something I would like to get back to.

Michael & Michael

Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter have a new show coming out on Comedy Central July 15th.

Nicknames: Fallon Bucks The Trend

At what age does a man drop the nickname associated with youth?

Daniel Haren made it to the majors as Danny, until finally settling on Dan.

Robert Sutter made it to college as Robby, until finally settling on Rob.

James Fallon got his own late night talk show, yet he still insists on being called Jimmy.

Jimmy! I wouldn't mind Danny or Robby as much as Jimmy!

Jim Fallon is a dope (period).

The Baxter Revisited

I just watched the Baxter again after a some time away from the film. I now see why some of those out there in cyber-land didn't fall in love with the film. I still love it, but I now understand where you are coming from.

Update

Ok I am drinking and watxhing Stella on the tv. I ate BBQ and saw The Hangover today. Both good. The newest buzz at the moment is that I am having man boob removal surgery this winter. It has been set up by the Ma. Crazy. Well we'll see what happens, but this should be a breakthrough in the world of the sawsheezle. This coupled with benching massive weights (225 lbs) should aid in self confidence and ultimately boning.
This is the first time I have droppped this news update bomb.

Russian Imperial Stout

I am drinking our RIS.

Kauffman Stadium

They've been renovating Kauffman Stadium. I couldn't find a good picture, but I would recommend you try to catch part of the fox broadcast today if its available in your area.

It looks so much better. They put seats out in the outfield in front of the water. It is awesome.

Jimmy Falon Funny?

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/blogs/2009/06/rush-limbaugh-karaoke/

With The Farns, Its Always Something

KANSAS CITY -- Royals reliever Kyle Farnsworth was bitten by one of his dogs on Tuesday morning and had four stitches taken in his left index finger but said he was able to pitch.

"I'm just glad it wasn't my other hand," said Farnsworth, a hard-throwing right-hander.

Farnsworth's left index or forefinger was wrapped in tape, which was protruding from his glove as he went through batting practice shagging balls in center field. The dog's bite reached a tendon, but did not cause serious damage.

"My dogs got in a fight this morning and I just tried to break it up and they bit me in the process," Farnsworth said.

Farnsworth said he owned two American bulldogs, one about 80 pounds and the other about 90 pounds. They're named Strike and Rambo. The incident happened about 7:30 a.m. CT Tuesday morning when the dogs got into a scrap apparently over sharing the affections of Farnsworth's children.

He's not sure which dog bit him this morning at his Leawood, Kan., home.

"I think it was Rambo," said Farnsworth. "I don't know. I reached in there and started grabbing dogs and throwing dogs. And one of them got me. One of those things that happens. It's never pretty. I've had to do it a few times and it's ugly."

The dogs were current on shots so he has no concerns about rabies.

"It hurts a little bit, but no big deal. Just a flesh wound," he said.

Royals manager Trey Hillman said that Farnsworth was not expected to miss any time.

"Not planning on it, planning on wrapping it up and having him available today," Hillman said.

Farnsworth was at least able to grin about the incident.

"That's how I start my mornings off," he said. "Wrestling with bulldogs."

WoW Soda

World of Warcraft actually has its own soft drinks distributed/manufactured by Pepsi. The saleman today told me all about how popular this WoW game is and how they have there own sodas.

I didn't buy any Game Fuel.

Why Do Bulldogs Have Flat Faces?

I was perusing the internet one late evening and I discovered that bulldogs have flat faces because it is beneficial in bull fighting. They are supposed to run underneath the bull and its horns then jump up and bite it on the nose and not let go. So they are gripping the bulls by the nose for dear life as the bull whips the dogs around. Now, when the bulldog is hanging on to the bull the flat face allows it to breath freely through its nose, which would otherwise be pushed up against the bulls body not allowing the dogs to or at least hindering the dogs breathing.

Why Do Bulldogs Have Flat Faces?

Uh, see above

State of The Union

I have already had a similar discussion with Sr. Prototype, but I wanted to open up the discussion to the Godfathers of the fantasy league.

The league seems to be healthy in that all the owners are keeping up with their teams (which is an improvement form last year), but I am saddened that only a select few of us have gone above and beyond that standard of participation. It seems like no one is having much fun.

I would like to hear any and all ideas/thoughts on why this is happening and possibly what we could do to fix things this year or at worst, next year. What can we do? I have lost the excitement I once had in distributing trophies and posting raunchy shit on the forum. I want to feel that excitement again.

Bad Magic Tummy Dragons

I went to California last weekend for my grandfather's funeral.

While visiting my grandmother I enjoyed a lemon-lime Gatorade that had a logo that reminded me of the old All Sport drink, leading me to believe it was a decade old. Well I took a sip and it tasted kind of weird, but lemon-lime Gatorade does taste kinda weird, so I drank about 1/4 of the bottle before stopping. Well, since then I have felt horribly sick. I finally broke down yesterday and called the school nurse, and she said it was Bad Magic Tummy Dragons and that it would all work itself out and I would be all good come Friday. She also said I couldn't eat lettuce, nurses orders, so it isn't all bad. But she said I should eat bland stuff, nothing greasy. Now, I certainly haven't felt like eating anything complex or spicy, or even greasy, but yesterday I did work my way up to real food (besides smoothies and what nots). The thing was, I didn't know the first thing about what to order or where to order it. I just don't know. I think I looked at a Chinese menu for ten minutes (the day before I ordered a small order of white rice) and had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

My Crazy Mom: Part 1

So we've enlisted a spy to watch over thee ole Steinberg household(My other little brother) and he reported back a month ago. I've just now decided to start this series, and figured this would be a good place to start.

He heard in his kitchen(as his parents often do) 'My Crazy Mom' yelling at Sarah, but this time it was special. My Crazy Mom came home and saw a young black man leaving her house with his pants partially down.

An eruption of outrage are the only words I think could describe what I feel went on.

Now, if I was home I would not let anyone fool around with my little sister, but she is 16, and that is what every 16 year old wants to do, so I would not go crazy over it.

But Knowing my mom I'm sure you realize what this did to her.

My dream come true

I forgot to mention that I am on my company's softball team, which is a dream come true. I think so far on the season I am batting (avg/opb/slug) .625/.625/.625(5/8 with 5 singles, couple of runs and rbis, but not many).

Most of my hits have been line dives, but I have been getting under the ball a little bit, Including one deep blast to center, which was caught. It's a guy girl league with a soft 14 inch softball, which makes it hard to hit the ball with authority. Last week I almost killed the pitcher with a line drive that went under her non throwing arm and was by her before she flinched. We are 2-1 on the season, but in our loss we got shut down like 7-1, and I had 2 of our 5 hits. Our 4th game is tonight, weather permitting.

On a side note, I went to the batting cages the other day and there was a party of like 4 year olds there. I stepped into the slow pitch cage, and every time I hit the ball all of the kids(like 12 of them) where like WHOOAAA!!! It was the coolest thing ever, but then I tried to hit it harder and started getting under them again. It didn't matter cause they were impressed every time I swung.

First Baseman Parity

Notice that Justin Morneau is the third highest producer in Toddy Hollandsworth Fantasy Baseball league.

Rich Harden, the Cubs injured pitchers, comes in a cool 170.

Sawyer, honestly, your trades are annoying.

cubsuck

http://baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=8961

Jamaica

Please list more facts about Jamaica.

Cell Phone Balla'

I am going to write a rap song about my excessive spending on cell phone minutes (secretly, this inefficiency kills me inside) :


Anytime Minutes
Used 51 of 450

Night/Weekend Minutes
Used 29 of 5,000

Mobile to Mobile Minutes
UNLIMITED
Used 28 of Unlimited

Rollover Minutes
Used 0 of 3,493

Rollover Summary
You have 3,493;
You used 0; 279 minutes to expire on 06/19/2009

Beautiful Smart Phone

Check out this beautiful and industrious smart phone.

Steinberg Tribute

As our little man is off on vacation, I think we should take time to honor him. I am compiling a list of words that he would say so I can be reminded of him when I log in.

Here's a taste. I call on Capital Prototype to help a brother out and throw out a few more.

Amurica
Hondo
Sammich

Its Just Politics

Coming soon...

leave of absence

I must request a leave of absence from dieselfur. Tomorrow morning I will be flying to Jamaica for a week with my boyfriend(jessi).

Preparations I made.

1. I bought 4 books on Amazon for about 30 dollars with shipping to read on my flights. Moneyball, 3 nights in august(hard cover fo like .86 dollars), and 2 brewing books which didn't make it in time. It's ok though because I got like 600 pages to read, and that just isn't gonna happen.

2. Jessi packed my suitcase

I tried to get ready, but failed real bad

Peavy Traded

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/baseball/mlb/05/21/peavy.trade/index.html

WTF?

We should go after Halladay. He is a Wrigley Field kind of pitcher.

Adrian Gonzalez

Link

Search Wars

According to this article

Yahoo and Microsoft will be launching there new and improved search engines next week.

As we all know, Google owns the online search market, although they will soon experience heightened competition. I think that it only makes sense for Yahoo and Microsoft to team up, rather than compete with each other and Google.

This article explains...

"The two companies have been discussing a complex deal in which Yahoo would sell its Web search and search advertising technology to Microsoft, in exchange for an upfront payment and some share of the revenue of the search ads it shows on Yahoo, according to people familiar with the matter."

Steinberg May Have To Commit Suicide...

Dave McKay was the strength and conditioning coach of the Oakland Athletics in 1988 (also, freakishly, Chicago Cubs first base coach Matt Sinatro was on the roster). This is the same year that Jose Canseco claims, in Juiced, to have started injecting Mark McGwire with steroids (Jose's accounts have been shown to be wholly accurate). There is not a doubt in my mind that Dave McKay was aware of Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire's steroid use, furthermore, I believe that he encouraged it. Keep in mind that this was the genesis of steroid use in baseball.

Further damning evidence is that Dave McKay coauthored the book Strength Training For Baseball, with Jose Canseco. Finally, Dave McKay's son Cody McKay was indicted in the Mitchell Report as a steroid user.

It is impossible to bring up Dave McKay without mentioning Tony LaRussa, as McKay serves as LaRussa's right hand man, who have worked together since LaRussa's arrival to Oakland in 1986.

It is unthinkable for me to believe that LaRussa was unaware that Dave McKay, Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire were gaining a competitive edge through the use of steroids. Furthermore, LaRussa brought McGwire and McKay to St Louis, and although Albert Pujols has not been indicted as a steroid user, there is no doubt in my mind that he was.

In the end, the steroid era did not merely occur on LaRussa and McKay's watch, but they were active participants, which was far more damning then I believed just yesterday.

Finally, if Barry Bonds needs an asterisk by his records, Tony LaRussa needs an asterisk by his (if he goes to the Hall of Fame as a manager).

Appendix:
Ryan Franklin, Fernando Vina and Rick Ankiel are known steroid users.