Now what

So you have just friend requested a girl on facebook. You met her this summer and she is a friend of a friend. Suppose you, her, and two friends (one of whom is the aforementioned "friend") hang out on one glorious summer eve in July. You go for pizza, attend an awesome Rx Bandits show at Club Congress in Tucson and then go to a strip club. You later join in to pay to see her boobs. You decide that she is cool. She is also a nurse and is independent. She has just accepted your friend request, what do you do now? You know she likes the tv shows you like so you think it is a good idea to say something provocative and timely about one of them in a status update. Let's choose fox's "Fringe". You could say something like "Fringe returns on thursday. If only you could get a degree in fringe science" hoping that she, being really into facebook, will respond and then you can strike up a conversation. This is the art of starting a conversation with someone without talking to them. This is how I try to attract girls.

First date

So I am hoping to go on a first date sometime in the fiscal year 2010 and I think it might be a good idea to share some of my thoughts on the dos and don'ts of a first date.

Food selection
1. Don't choose a buffet style restaurant. In this case, it would be all-you-can-eat sushi, but no woman wants to see a potential bang stuff his gullet with raw fish (or do they?). Stay away Sawyer no matter how badly you want sushi.

2. Don't eat mexican. You will probably get sauce all over your hands and you will want to lick your fingers clean. Stay away from this. Also, it will induce farting which is also unattractive. Sawyer: you live 60 miles north of mexico and you can't eat mexican food, only alternative: go to olive garden or famous daves.

Dress choice
1. Wear something hip. I would need to go shopping specifically for this date.

2. Make sure all of your assets are enhanced and all of your faults are muted. Perhaps a snuggie would be the best wardrobe choice?

Car care.
1. Waxed and ready to go. Check. Rims cleaned and shiny. Check.

2. Music selection. Rap music? No. Probably going to strike out here.

Discussions
1. Should excel here if she seems to be into humor.

2. Don't talk about rim, lesbians, or in general, anal excitements.

Commenting on her
1. Definitely say something positive about her looks.

2. Voice interest in her discussion topics by saying things like "wow, I never thought about (repeat what she said) like that before" or "wow, how very inciteful".



Do I have a shot? Am I datable with this mindset?

Kate Walsh

Is 39 years old.

New Chapter

Step 1: Listen to random indie-techno, vocal-synthesized pop song by Imogen Heap entitled "Hide and Seek." Pay particular attention to minutes 2:45 and on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc

Step 2: Watch the very climax to the Season 2 finale of the teen melodrama "The O.C."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3umNk9nVxbQ

Look man, I was stoned. Was that London pop digital artist Imogen Heap I just heard? Yes, and it rocked your world.

Step 3: Watch the SNL parody.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/18964

Step 4: Realize that Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" is the ONLY song that should be played when someone is dramatically murdered on film by searching "Dear Sister" on You Tube and watching the many parodies. I recommend Star Wars, Fargo... etc.

Step 5: The Game sampled Imogen Heap. Is it cool now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqMPDEGEAeA&feature=related

Also, according to some website, Imogen Heap did not use auto-tune.

Classic

Capital_Prototype knows best

After Capital_Prototype wrote his treatise on dieting and health, I reevaluated my eating habits. I eat at Subway every monday, wednesday, and friday and I always get a footlong tuna. I have since gone to a six inch sub and I supplement the rest with an apple. I have also stopped drinking as much chocolate milk, I was at around 8-10 glasses a week, now it is more like 3 glasses a week. I was drinking beer on friday, saturday, and sunday nights and I am scaling back to potentially just friday nights. I think these things over time when coupled with my current workout schedule of three times a week will ultimately lead me down a path of eventual cunt hounding.

Previous weigh in: 242

Current weigh in: 239

Dress Pants

Don't discover that you have no khaki pants the night before you have a presentation. Luckily, I have money, a car, and I don't need to be sexy until 3:30pm so I can go get some clothes on my lunch break.

Nonpoint

Bullet with a Name

Hmm

Current drink count: 4 beers and 2 rum based cocktails (aka sober)

So I think I should share my thoughts on things at the moment. I have been pumping hard lately and am up to a personal best set of 12-reps at 225 lbs. For comparison, a wide receiver in the combine may hit 20 reps. So I am closing in on those fucks. I am thinking about seeing if I have a year of eligibility left in the NCAA. I don';t know if you know this, but the UA football team is awesome except for this somoan fuck who plays defense.

I just ate some nachos that were awesome.

I was in my boxers and drinking rum cocktails when I heard a knocking on my door. I wasn't sure if someone was there. I put on some clothes and opened the door and some guy was standing there. He said, in essence, "I was walking by and I heard this crazy laugh and I thought I should check it out." In summary, I am awesome and my winning best laugh in our senior year book was obviously justified.

"Accidentally on purpose" is my new guilty pleasure show on CBS.

I want to hit up JT when I come back to see about getting side hippie-pussy.

I bought the new Rammstein cd tonight. So far so good.

How much masturbation is too much? I keep trying to go to a once a week schedule, but I think God blessed (or perhaps cursed) me to having a libido that never quits. Not that I want it to quit, but I would like to use it to its best ability.

Allison Brie from NBC's "Community" is my new secret crush.

Have you guys rimmed your gfs yet?

It is still 80 degrees everyday here.

What else is new?

Massive Hondage

Set of facts:

1. America has been a consumer driven economy.
2. Christmas is the the largest consumer event of the year.

So, christmas is the source of American companies revenues.

3. The current recession has hit consumers harder than we have seen in our recent past.

This is going to create massive competition among retailers vying for fewer sales dollars.

So, save up or get a part time job, strap in, and get ready for some mega deals! Soon will be the time for upgrading all your electronic needs.