Electrolyte Breakfast

Due to intense Gatorade commercials I was led to believe in the magical powers of electrolytes, so I decided to see how much electrolytes I could shove into my body to make me more powerful.

I went here and found out the boring truth about electrolytes and learned that the best electrolytes are sodium, potassium, magnesium, chloride, and calcium.

I quickly realized from self nutritional data that this basically means table salt. Anyway, I found that the foods highest in potassium is rice bran, the foods highest in magnesium was coffee, and the highest foods in chloride, calcium, and sodium is table salt.

Quickly, one learns that the most pro-electrolyte way to start your day is to lick salt of your hand, then chug a heaping cup of coffee with a heaping spoonful or two of rice bran mixed in, then chase it with another taste of table salt.

I plan on doing this every morning for the rest of my life, as soon as I order rice bran and rice bran derivatives in bulk from this guys.

Remember, electrolytes are liquids that carry electricty. Therefore, electrolytes are power. For the most power, work coffee, rice bran, and table salt into every complete breakfast.

If you are on a diet, I strongly encourage you to blast the heat while you sleep in a track suit and watch horror movies before you go to bed. Remember, this is all you need for a complete breakfast.

That is, unless you believe these bananas:

Various hormones in the body help regulate intake of these electrolytes, and the kidneys filter electrolytes which reach excessive levels. Unhealthy levels of consumption of any or all of the body's necessary electrolytes can cause serious health issues.