Saturday, October 31, 2009

Kate Walsh

Is 39 years old.

New Chapter

Step 1: Listen to random indie-techno, vocal-synthesized pop song by Imogen Heap entitled "Hide and Seek." Pay particular attention to minutes 2:45 and on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpSv2mNhhc

Step 2: Watch the very climax to the Season 2 finale of the teen melodrama "The O.C."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3umNk9nVxbQ


Look man, I was stoned. Was that London pop digital artist Imogen Heap I just heard? Yes, and it rocked your world.

Step 3: Watch the SNL parody.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/18964


Step 4: Realize that Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" is the ONLY song that should be played when someone is dramatically murdered on film by searching "Dear Sister" on You Tube and watching the many parodies. I recommend Star Wars, Fargo... etc.

Step 5: The Game sampled Imogen Heap. Is it cool now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqMPDEGEAeA&feature=related


Also, according to some website, Imogen Heap did not use auto-tune.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Classic

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Capital_Prototype knows best

After Capital_Prototype wrote his treatise on dieting and health, I reevaluated my eating habits. I eat at Subway every monday, wednesday, and friday and I always get a footlong tuna. I have since gone to a six inch sub and I supplement the rest with an apple. I have also stopped drinking as much chocolate milk, I was at around 8-10 glasses a week, now it is more like 3 glasses a week. I was drinking beer on friday, saturday, and sunday nights and I am scaling back to potentially just friday nights. I think these things over time when coupled with my current workout schedule of three times a week will ultimately lead me down a path of eventual cunt hounding.

Previous weigh in: 242

Current weigh in: 239

Monday, October 26, 2009

Dress Pants

Don't discover that you have no khaki pants the night before you have a presentation. Luckily, I have money, a car, and I don't need to be sexy until 3:30pm so I can go get some clothes on my lunch break.

Nonpoint

Bullet with a Name

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hmm

Current drink count: 4 beers and 2 rum based cocktails (aka sober)

So I think I should share my thoughts on things at the moment. I have been pumping hard lately and am up to a personal best set of 12-reps at 225 lbs. For comparison, a wide receiver in the combine may hit 20 reps. So I am closing in on those fucks. I am thinking about seeing if I have a year of eligibility left in the NCAA. I don';t know if you know this, but the UA football team is awesome except for this somoan fuck who plays defense.

I just ate some nachos that were awesome.

I was in my boxers and drinking rum cocktails when I heard a knocking on my door. I wasn't sure if someone was there. I put on some clothes and opened the door and some guy was standing there. He said, in essence, "I was walking by and I heard this crazy laugh and I thought I should check it out." In summary, I am awesome and my winning best laugh in our senior year book was obviously justified.

"Accidentally on purpose" is my new guilty pleasure show on CBS.

I want to hit up JT when I come back to see about getting side hippie-pussy.

I bought the new Rammstein cd tonight. So far so good.

How much masturbation is too much? I keep trying to go to a once a week schedule, but I think God blessed (or perhaps cursed) me to having a libido that never quits. Not that I want it to quit, but I would like to use it to its best ability.

Allison Brie from NBC's "Community" is my new secret crush.

Have you guys rimmed your gfs yet?

It is still 80 degrees everyday here.

What else is new?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Massive Hondage

Set of facts:

1. America has been a consumer driven economy.
2. Christmas is the the largest consumer event of the year.

So, christmas is the source of American companies revenues.

3. The current recession has hit consumers harder than we have seen in our recent past.

This is going to create massive competition among retailers vying for fewer sales dollars.

So, save up or get a part time job, strap in, and get ready for some mega deals! Soon will be the time for upgrading all your electronic needs.

Friday, October 16, 2009

my 200 dollar gas card

Remember when I got my new tv(Hot Nudes).

Me too. But I forgot it came with a 200 dollar gas card from LG.

I just got that. I can't wait to spend it all on box wine at a gas station so i can drink it out of a can(which I did last night).

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Diet Tips

I have seen some improvements to my waistline thanks to my diet. I am now going to share some tips.

1) Dairy is fattening.

There is no quicker way to add extra and often needless amounts of calories than to cover/smother something in cheese or cheese-like substances, spreads, and sauces.

Cream, no mas creme de la caffem (No more cream for my coffee). Yes, dissapointing.

1) a) Adding sugar to dairy is bad. That means you ice cream and ice cream novelties.

2) Grocery shop often.

In order to stay on your diet you need lots of ripe produce, but produce ripens quickly. I suggest making a trip to the nearest Ball Mart to load up keep a constant stock of ripe or ripening bananas and apples at the ready.

3) Bananas and Apples and similar produces are the perfect snack. An apple or a banana has just enough calories to give you a boost, but not to many to weigh you down.

I have a tendency to look at any item I open as one serving size, from a snickers bar to a family size bag of fried potato chips. These fruits actually are one serving size, so it is okay to finish them in one sitting.

4) Do not stock up on unhealthy food alternatives (see No. #2). If you are hungry and the only thing in your house is apples and bananas, you will eat them. As long as they taste decent (they do) and they are convenient.

However, if you

A) Also keep fried potato chips in your house, you will inevitable pass up the healthy produce.
B) Do not have fresh produce on hand, you will be very tempted to pick up a meal at the local greasy fast food joint.

5) Count your calories. Counting your calories has multiple benefits, but it is best for managing your caloric intake and matching that to your desired input. By limiting your calories to at or under what the amount you consume in the day, you will be able to burn the stored up calories in your body (I assume).

Other benefits should be found at a consumer diet advocacy website of some sort.

6) On your diet you will probably visit Subway, as one of the better health choice options for fast food/ take out.

When you do, do not add oil and viniger. The oil adds like 90 calories to a footlong, which is around the same as cheese, and adds only marginal benefits.

7) If you stray from your diet on a day or two, don't freak out and drown your sorrows in boxes of fried potato chips. Take it from the tippy the following day.

8) When you make an exception to your diet make sure it completely erases the weeks and months of diligent dietary efforts and gains you have made thus far. Destroy those efforts in one foul sweep. Go to Fat Sammich on Halloween weekend.

I can't wait.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Seasonally Relevant Rice Nerd Joke

Wide Receiver: "I am going to score a touchdown on this play."
Cornerback: "No chance, I'll be on you like white on rice."
Wide Receiver: "Well, the color of the rice isn't an intrinsic quality of the rice itself, rather the color is how you perceive or interact with the rice. This perception is how you interact with the rice, rather than explaining how the rice exists in reality"

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

MLB more like NFL

I was thinking about how well the NFL was setup and I was wondering if we could apply some of the things that they are doing right to the MLB. Here are some thoughts:

1. Balance each league. 16 teams in each league. Two new teams would need to be introduced.

2. Move to four divisions with North/South/East/West. Let's figure out who goes where.

NL
=====================

North
===========
Chicago
Milwaukee
Cincinnati
xxxxxxxx

South
===========
St. Louis
Houston
Atlanta
Florida

East
===========
Pittsburgh
New York
Washington
Philadelphia

West
==========
Colorado
San Diego
Arizona
San Francisco


AL
===================

North
===========
Detroit
Cleveland
Minnesota
Chicago

South
===========
Tampa Bay
Kansas City
Texas
Dodgers

East
===========
New York
Boston
Toronto
Baltimore

West
===========
Angels
Oakland
Seattle
xxxxxxx


This leaves us with two spots open. Also note, these divisions aren't as territorial as I would like, but the NFL ones aren't super strict either. I would recommend that a team be created in Las Vegas for the American League because purity and integrity are absent from both and it is a great locale. The other team for the NL is a bit of a question mark. Perhaps Indianapolis? Thoughts here are welcome.

3. Now that the teams are decided, move the playoff system to six teams (two wild card) and seed each team by regular season record with the highest seed getting a bye. The first round should be a best of three series.

4. Take away home field advantage from the All-Star game and go back to the every other year switch that it used to be.

5. Other fixes would be to revamp the schedules to put even more focus on divisional importance and decrease the number of interleague games or make the interleague more like the NFL.

Does this work?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:


You got Male!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Banana Binge

Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen's Obama on SNL is not up to snuff.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/99945/saturday-night-live-obama-address

The skits are still funny, but he is not good at impressions or mocking Obama's cadence, speech pattern, mannerisms, etc.

It is too bad, I mean Darrel Hammond did such a good job with Bill Clinton that they just bring him back all the time, even though he has been out of office for like a decade.

I think they should retain Duane Johnson for the permanent role.

The Rock Obama

Sunday, October 4, 2009

My first sandwich

No, the title is not a typo. I thought that I had had a sandwich before, but I was mistaken. It took the glorious creator of Fat Sandwich Co., who said no to healthy, to open my eyes.
What you are looking at is the Fat Frat. It packs philly cheese steak, gyro, chicken tenders, mozzerella sticks, and tzatziki sauce. All of the sandwiches there come with fries. Instead of giving you the fries like the other restaurants, the smash them onto the top of the sandwich.

truly heavenly

Thursday, October 1, 2009

female drivers

It is shovanistic and ignorant to claim that all women are bad at driving.

But to claim that all bad drivers are women is just the truth.