Girls from Wisconsin: Part 2

This is one of the stories that happened in between the two Wisconsinites, but it is important all the same to the entire tale.

So when a girl initiates an email with you it usually means one of two things; she is either some sort fat ass or she is genuinely interested in you. Most of the time it is the latter because on match.com even the heffers have some sort of “Brad Pitt is going to come along someday” fantasy that they can’t get over and end up overlooking your potential which is a good thing in this case. When I was emailed by some girl out of the blue, it was the latter situation.

She was 24 years old, a Tucson native, and a first grade teacher. Her interests included UA football. She had red hair and was 5’9”. She seemed somewhat conservative in dress, but was of normal attractiveness. This brings up a quick side note for me. I am not a picky guy on these ladies. If you are of normal attractiveness, average height, and have a college degree, you are probably going to interesting to me. Back to the teacher. We sent some emails back and forth and I asked her out for coffee like I always do because coffee is pretty innocent and I am an innocent guy. She said yes and thank goodness she actually suggested a day. I told her to pick the place because I had no idea in what part of town she lived and therefore no clue to where she would like to go so I figured I should let her feel comfortable in a place of her choosing. Barnes and Noble was the place. This was fine. The fact that this place was on the far north side of town sucked. For a 6:30 coffee date, rush hour traffic would put the drive time at almost 40 minutes.

I met her at the Starbucks in the B and N and I must say she was more attractive in person than her photos had presented her. She was still of normal attractiveness, but was now more in the middle of the spectrum than the lower part. We sat down and had our drinks and I brought up conversation about UA football which turned out to be about the only thing we had in common. The date never got uncomfortable, but it was clear to me at least that there was no way this was going anywhere. I will now state without proof that I was in fact an ideal man for her, but she was nowhere close to ideal for me.

Things started to go wrong when we started walking around and looking at books. She was just a little too interested in the new and noteworthy publishings in the children’s section. I don’t give a fuck about kid’s books and I think that the first book kids should read is Johnny Tremain since it will teach them about American history, midwifery, silver smithing, and apprenticing which are all things I want them to know about. This was the end of January so there were already displays set up about black history month and there was a special display for President Obama. As we walked by the Obama display she grunted and shook her head a little. This didn’t really bother me too much because we all have different views, but I thought I would press her on the subject. I asked her about the last election and I found out that she was not against Sarah Palin. This upset me, but I would never end a coffee date early unless I had a good reason too. We then started talking about other things. I told her about physics and how in a lot of ways I am a robot who looks at equations and spits out numbers. I think she got concerned and at one point she asked me if I “believed in miracles”. I asked if she meant explicitly a “divine intervention” kind of thing and she was hesitant to say yes. It was at this time that somehow in the furthest edge of my periph I caught the title of a book. The book was titled “The Physics of Miracles”. How apropos. She admitted that she did mean divine intervention and I answered back “absolutely not”.

The rest of the experience was more of the same. I found out she had been to Disneyland 15 times which is at least 14 times too much in my book. A plus was that she already had her own house, but a huge minus was that she had three dogs. Fuck. I am barely comfortable around one dog. How would I be around three and in a pro-Palin household? We talked about movies. She preferred Cars to Ratatouille and I said I preferred Ratatouille to Cars. She listened to country music exclusively and I avoid it like the plague. Somehow I ended up telling her that my favorite movie was Freddy Got Fingered which I don’t regret, but I have thought about since. In the end, she was very nice and put up with me (and I her) for the entire time, but we were definitely not compatible.

This experience is all about integrity. I stuck to my convictions and wasn’t going to lie or change who I am to enhance my possibilities of coitus. The thing I keep thinking since then is “should I have?”.